Lord, Be My Strength...

Some quotes a dear friend of mine sent to me that have been super encouraging to me:

"All things are sent and governed by God, and however troublesome they are, they will, if accepted gladly, lead us surely and quickly toward holiness."
-Jean-Pierre de Caussade

"It is not the splendor or the greatness of our deeds that matters. The smallest, most trivial task we accomplish is supremely important if it is done in obedience to God's will and for love of Him." -St. Therese


Wow, so many things going through my head right now. So much has happened since I last wrote. It's been a difficult week. I am really beginning to understand how hard and draining ministry and being a missionary really is. I am seeing how important it is to be in communion with Jesus everyday. I am seeing how much I need him in my life everyday. I go and work everyday and sometimes wonder if it's doing any good. I work in the kitchen, I clean bathrooms, I serve food to people and wonder if what I am doing is really ministry. It is even though it doesn't always feel like it. It can be draining though. And when I am drained and have poured so much out into other people, I realize that I need Jesus so much. And also, during my ministry, I realize how much I need him and need him to guide me and give me the words to say to people. It's just so tough and for any of you that are reading this and have been missionaries, I really am understanding you. Missions trips are great to go on and I highly encourage people to go on one, but you really don't get the full effect of missions and ministry until you live it out day to day for a longer period of time (more than 2 weeks). It is hard. It is discouraging. But like my dear friend Leanna said, I have hope. There is a bigger picture that I can't see but God can see. And I have hope in knowing that He is in control an'd He knows what He's doing and is using these experiences right now to not only shape me but who knows, maybe even plant seeds in other peoples lives that I might not ever see. I just have to keep my focus on Jesus and know that He sees the big picture and is in control.

Not only am I feeling that but the Lord really spoke to me about compassion today. We were having staff prayer time and we read a verse from the Bible and pray together. Well, this was our verse:

"Jesus stopped and called them. 'What do you want me to do for you?' he asked. 'Lord,' they answered, 'we want our sight.' Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him." -Matthew 20:32-34

The part that really stuck out to me was that Jesus had compassion. I thought to myself during prayer time that "Hey! I really am a compassionate person! I am compassionate about my friends and family and people I love. I am compassionate about people who are less fortunate, like the children of Africa." But then it's like God hit me in the head and was like "Are you really compassionate? What about the people you don't like? What about your enemies? Would you do anything for them? Would you serve them and love them like I've called you to do?" Then I kinda got humbled real fast and realized that I really wasn't as compassionate as I thought. It's so easy for me to have compassion for those I love, for my friends. But when it comes to people I don't like, I could care less. It's like why should I love them, show them compassion? I can't get along with them, don't really care for them, so why so compassion and love for them? But calls us to something different than that. He calls us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute you. I was asking myself why I can't have compassion for those I don't like and I realized that it's because of pride in my life. Whoa gosh, I just need to be humbled. It's just interesting how God has been showing revealing things to me in my life.

And not only that but I just feel like Satan has been attacking on all sides. I'm exhausted from work and lack of sleep, there have been roommate issues, and just all sorts of things. Tonight I had a breakdown. I just cried. I just feel like giving up, but I know I must press on. I have to continue to remember that hope I have in Jesus. And I have to remember that He is always there and never lets go. Leanna sent me the lyrics to this song which are really encouraging.

Matt Redman - You Never Let GoFrom the album Passion 06: Everything Glorious
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know
You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

"Lord Jesus, I praise you because you truly do not let us go. You are always there. You hold me by my right hand. And even though I am going through storms right now, I still praise you. I praise you because you are God, you are in control, and you are so faithful. I praise you because you are refining me through this and shaping me into what you want me to be. I praise you simply because you are GREAT. Lord, I love you. Give me your strength. I can not do it on my own and I won't do it without you. 'My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.' -Psalm 73:28 Lord, though my heart fails and my own strength fails, you are my strength. I lean on you. Thank you for being there, always and forever. I trust in you Lord. I love you Jesus. Be the center of my life. Help me to keep my eyes on you."

-Michelle